opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
