My room smells like vodka and shame
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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