She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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