I want to walk on stilts...naked
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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