I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
