I met the friendliest cop last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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