i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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