Whod you bang
I smell stomach acid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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