new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize