I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
