when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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