he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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