I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I touched a dick in church today
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