watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
