Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize