You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
