he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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