she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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