The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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