I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
