So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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