I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
