Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
