Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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