i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize