I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
