i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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