its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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