When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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