Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize