your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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