I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
