i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
