two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
