I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
