addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
