he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
