If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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