awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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