Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize