Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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