You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
