my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
