if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
