The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
