I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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