When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
