Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
