I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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