Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
