Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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