I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
