How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
