first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
