i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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