she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
