butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
