I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
