I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
