we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
