im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
