just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
