Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
