I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
