Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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