i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
