I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
