Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize