Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
