if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
