The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
