this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i came on her dog
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
