WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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