dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
