Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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