xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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