last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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