I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
