This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
