And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
