I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
