he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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