Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
