I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
