Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize