I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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