My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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