It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
