Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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