just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i love accidental penises.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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