if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
