My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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